In Darkness
by ClaireBear1982
Summary: Depressed!James. Sirius is gone from his life, and now all he wants to do is die. But Marlene is having none of that! She eventually pulls him back into the land of the living again. Rated 'T' because of the amount of swearing.
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry (Challenges and Assignments)

Defense Against The Dark Arts

Assignment #9

Task: Your task is to write about a character letting go, or helping someone let go. Whether this be physically or mentally is up to you.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I came crashing awake again; the same old nightmare playing in my head. I saw the jet of green light hit him, and I watched him fall down into the dirt - dead.

That had been two years ago now, and I was having serious trouble letting go. How could I? He'd been my world - my everything; yet I couldn't save him. I'd frozen to the spot, unable to move, unable to think. I just let those Death Eaters murder the one person I'd ever truly loved.

"James? James? Are you here?" I heard a female voice ringing through the emptiness of the flat I lived in.

I rolled over and screwed my eyes up tightly. I didn't want Marlene to see my face wet with tears yet again. There had been far too many occasions lately when that had seemed to be the case.

"James Charlus Potter, I know you're here! Now bloody answer me you dick," I heard her yell, but I still continued to ignore her.

I heard my bedroom door crash open, and then felt the quilt surrounding me being violently ripped from the bed.

"Get up, James. You are not doing this again; enough is enough. Now be a man and get your arse up out of that bed, have some breakfast and a shower; then we're going to go to the coffee shop down the road," again I ignored her.

Truth be told, I just wanted to be left alone. Truth be told, I just wanted to die. Sirius was gone from this world, and I had no wish to be a part of it any longer. Why Marlene couldn't understand that I don't know. It felt like she'd made me her personal project - I didn't want her help, I didn't want my pieces all put back together. I just wanted to lay here in the dark, waiting for death to come and take me.

I felt her slap my arm. I bit my lip to stop myself from making a sound. I felt her shove me next, again I ignored her.

"James? James? Speak to me! Oh bloody Merlin, you haven't died on me have you?" I heard her say, there was a slight edge of panic in her voice. I felt her fingers feeling for a pulse point in my neck. Finally she must have found it, because I felt a punch to my right shoulder. "You fucking prick! Stop fucking ignoring me."

I sighed quietly, and rolled over on to my back and opened my eyes. I could see a misty outline of her face, her long blonde curls tickled my face as she leant over me. The tickling sensation was gone, and I felt a hand strike me across the face. I yelped in shock and pain.

"Don't you ever scare me like that again, Potter!" Marlene screeched hysterically.

"Wow, for a girl you really know how to put on the hurt," I said thickly, ruefully rubbing my right cheek. "What do you want, Mar?"

"What I want is for you to get your arse out of that bed, as I said, enough is enough now. It's been two years; two years of your life lost. Do you really think Sirius would want you to do this to yourself? Because personally I think he'd think you were being a complete and utter drama queen!"

"I'm not ready yet though, Mar," I mumbled impatiently.

"Tough shit, sunshine. Now come on, up! Or do I have to tip you from that pit? I know a useful little spell to help with that," stated Marlene threateningly.

"For fucks sake Mar, can't you just respect my wishes and leave me the hell alone?" I groaned as I grabbed the pillow next to me and dropped it across my face and held it there. I made a mental note to add some extra security to the doors and windows to stop these invasions.

I felt her trying to remove the pillow from my face. I clung harder, until I felt something hit my hands, and they immediately released the pillow and my hands flew back to the mattress. Then I felt the pillow gently lift away from my face and disappear from view.

"Up, up!"

"Sod off, Mar."

"Up now, Potter."

"Sod. Off."

"I swear to Merlin, I am going to hex you so bloody hard in a minute."

"Make sure to kill me and be quick about it," I replied darkly.

"Nuh huh, not happening," said Marlene as she vehemently shook her head at me.

"Then leave me to rot," I shouted as loudly as I could.

"You stubborn pig-headed git," I heard Marlene breath.

A memory flashed to the fore front of mind.

Sirius and I had been on a day trip to the sea town of Bournemouth. I'd not been looking where I was going and had walked right into one of the decorative lampposts that were individually spread down the promenade. I gone down like a sack of spuds, sprawled on my back a lump forming on my forehead. Sirius had just stood by laughing raucously, causing passersby to stare, and seagulls to fly off with an indignant screech, before falling to his knees with mirth still sparkling in his wide grey eyes. He lifted my head on to his knees, and dipped his head to kiss my nose.

"Are you okay, Prongs?"

"Yeah, who hit me?"

"Mr lamppost there," said had said pointing to the lamppost right in front of me.

"Ow. Bloody hell, help me up love."

"Just lay still for a minute, I need to make sure you have cracked that thick skull of yours open first."

I'd laid there wincing as Sirius had tenderly felt Mr Lumpy. After a minute of his gentle probing, I started to pull myself up.

"I said lay still, James."

"I can't, I need to get up," I'd said cringing.

"Just another minute, okay? I need to make sure you don't have a concussion."

But I'd ignored him completely, and was on my feet again in seconds.

"You stubborn pig-headed git," Sirius said as I brushed the loose sand off my butt.

"I'm sorry, the pavement was burning my back."

I felt hands grab my shoulders and shake me roughly. I came out of the daydream and back to reality. Again I was in the cold darkness of my bedroom, laid atop the bed with Marlene screeching at me again.

"For fucks sake James, did you listen to a word I was saying?"

"Huh? What?" I asked as I tried to gather my thoughts together before they could run rapid like a Muggle movie on fast forward.

"GET UP," Marlene yelled at me.

Finally, I did as she bade. I couldn't stand anymore moaning and shouting.

I shuffled off to the bathroom, whilst Marlene headed for the kitchen.

I entered the kitchen twenty minutes later to find Marlene had cooked up a storm. Plates of bacon, eggs, toast, and a pot of coffee were arranged on the table. For the first time in a long time my mouth started to water at the magnificent aroma. For the first time in a long time, I realised just how hungry I actually was. I wolfed down several slices of toast before shovelling a handful of bacon into my mouth. Marlene was watching with a mixture of pity and disgust.

"Holy Circe, James. Be careful! You're going to choke in a minute."

"Sorry, I'm just so hungry. The wonderful smell of food in here has made me realise just how ravenous I am," I said in a small voice.

Once I'd finished gorging myself and Marlene had cleaned up the kitchen and after much cajoling, we went for a walk down to the local coffee shop. I hadn't realised summer was upon us again, the sun felt so warm on my face. It was almost enough to melt the ice that was running through my veins.

It had been a long time since I'd last stepped foot in this coffee shop. My eyes immediately sought the sofa Sirius and I used to share; there was another young couple snuggled together on it now. I felt my heart constrict for a moment before it started beating rapidly again. I felt tears gathering in the corner of my eyes, and I tried like hell to blink them away.

I felt a small hand slip into mine, dazed for a moment; I'd completely forgotten Marlene was with me. I looked down at her for a moment; I could see a proud look in her eyes. Was this because she was proud of the fact she'd actually been able to rake me from my pit? Or was this a look to tell me she was proud of me for even being here?

"What's with that look, Mar?"

"I'm proud of you. I was half expecting you to have a huge panic attack on your front door step if I'm honest," she replied.

She didn't get to say anything else as it was our turn to be served.

"Drink in, or take out?" asked the woman behind the counter.

"Out," I said quickly.

Within minutes our order was ready, and we were back out on the sunny pavement.

"Do you want to go home?"

"No, I want to walk to the park," I said surprising even myself.

"Okay, as long as you're sure, James."

Together we sauntered to the park. Once inside, we found a bench and sat down. I was actually beginning to enjoy feeling the warmth of the sun hitting my skin. I was actually quite content to just people watch.

I began to realise just how toxic my life had become in the last two years. I found myself thinking that maybe, just maybe, Marlene was right. Enough was enough.

"I think I should go see a Healer," I blurted suddenly.

Marlene turned to stare at me, her mouth gaping in shock and surprise.

"I... what?" spluttered Marlene.

"You're right, okay? Enough is enough; you've shown me that now. You have no idea just how much I've missed the sun on my skin, the fresh air, actual human company. Now I'm no longer trapped within those four walls, and my own mind, I've come to realise just how bad I've gotten. So thank you Mar, thank you for persisting and pestering me," I said sincerely.

I watched Marlene launch herself at me. She threw both of her arms around my neck and hugged me tightly. I felt myself melting into her embrace. I whimpered a little as she pulled away from me minutes later - I'd been enjoying the sensation of having a body pressed against mine.

As she pulled away, I saw tears swimming in her bright blue eyes.

"Wow, just wow James. You really have surprised me today!" said Marlene in honest astonishment.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Months later, and I was almost back to my old self again. I'd been going to bi-monthly therapy sessions, plus I was given a small vial a potion every month to take to help take the edge off of the depression. Plus Marlene had been a big help. She was there with me from first light, right through until almost bedtime. I couldn't be more grateful to have such a wonderful friend.

Yes there was still nights when I'd cry myself to sleep, but they were fewer and further between now. Slowly but surely, I was starting to let go of the past. I was nearly done blaming myself. I would always, always love Sirius. He was my first, my big love. I don't think anyone else could ever compare to what we had


End file.
